Are you sure it's almost time for our first report cards at NCCA?
Because I'm pretty sure it has not almost been nine weeks.
Oh my gosh.
I swear, life is going by way too fast! What have I been up to? Freakishly social. I have several events coming up soon! Wanna hear? Actually, it doesn't really matter if you want to or not, lol, you are reading my blog and I'm going to tell you!
Oh, I just got into the National Honor Society at school...I don't think it's that big of a deal, because NCCA is such a small school, but the application was tedious, so I guess I'm excited?
Uh, PSAT October 14.
Blink 182 concert w/All-American Rejects and Fall Out Boy October 7. Sarah's mom is taking Sarah, Courtney, Ronni, Andrew, Bethani, and I!
Homecoming Game && Dance!
I'll let you know how everything goes :))
Love,
Jordan
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Learning to Fall
I know how to catch.
When I say this, I don't mean like, a baseball, or football, or whatever. Oh, no. I mean emotionally, in relationships. I'm the catcher. The one that hides her feelings for the sake of whoever seems to need the most help. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound amazing, because I'm not, but I'm just trying to tell you how it is with me.
My biggest issue is that I don't know how to fall. I can't just fall in someone's arms when that's really all I need. I don't let myself be comforted, simply because I'm scared of letting people see my weaknesses.
Gahh, overall, I have learned so much about myself recently. Like that it's okay to fall. The people you've helped get back up are willing, and want to catch you. It's scary, but you gotta let go or else it will never happen. Say what you mean; mean what you say. I mean that whole heartedly. If you think no one cares, you're wrong. For me, more people than I ever thought actually cared when I finally displayed I'm not happy-go-lucky all of the time. They mean the most.
"Fall...go on and fall apart...go on and fall into these arms of mine, I'll catch you every time you fall."
Xoxo.
Jordan
When I say this, I don't mean like, a baseball, or football, or whatever. Oh, no. I mean emotionally, in relationships. I'm the catcher. The one that hides her feelings for the sake of whoever seems to need the most help. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound amazing, because I'm not, but I'm just trying to tell you how it is with me.
My biggest issue is that I don't know how to fall. I can't just fall in someone's arms when that's really all I need. I don't let myself be comforted, simply because I'm scared of letting people see my weaknesses.
Gahh, overall, I have learned so much about myself recently. Like that it's okay to fall. The people you've helped get back up are willing, and want to catch you. It's scary, but you gotta let go or else it will never happen. Say what you mean; mean what you say. I mean that whole heartedly. If you think no one cares, you're wrong. For me, more people than I ever thought actually cared when I finally displayed I'm not happy-go-lucky all of the time. They mean the most.
"Fall...go on and fall apart...go on and fall into these arms of mine, I'll catch you every time you fall."
Xoxo.
Jordan
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Need a Hug? No.
Haha, the title of this blog makes me laugh.
I've always considered myself a considerably affectionate person.
LIE!
This week, I realized I am typically happy no matter what. But when I get down, I get really down. Sometimes for no good reason. Like this Tuesday, for instance. There was nothing really wrong with me. My life was going a-okay. I mean, I hate my Drama teacher, but that's about it. I had gotten 7 hours of sleep in comparison to my usual 5. So there was no reason that I would be pissed at the world, right?
For some reason, I was, horribly so. Since I'm usually so chill and happy, everyone was freaked out by my bad mood and pretty much it was contagious. My friends were no happy campers either. Lunch was rough, lol. But my one bright sunshine came in my day from my BFF Monroe :)
Like I said, I'm pretty affectionate. But that day, everyone kept wanting to hug me and I was not feeling it. He followed me to math and asked me what was wrong. I uneccesarily slammed my bag on the table.
"NOTHING!" I snapped.
He paused. "Do you need a hug?"
I glared. "NO!"
He tried to convince me to smile. No deal, so he left me and my anger to myself.
After math he had been playing football, and might I add, was disgustingly sweaty. Monroe saw I was still not happy and came over to me.
"You need love. Don't fight it, Jordan, this is love."
He wrapped his arms around me, and I spazzed out. "Get off! You're gross!"
Later that night, I felt really bad. He had been trying to be so sweet, (rare for him :) and I had been so mean. So I texted him. "Thanks." His response? "For what?" Smiling, I typed "For being nice to me when I didn't deserve it. He called me immediately.
"Why would you say that?"
"Why would I say what?"
"Why would you say you didn't deserve me being nice to you?
"Because I was mean to you all day and there was no reason. You were sweet and I was mean. Duh."
"Why would you ever think you wouldn't deserve me being nice to you? You're my best friend, therefore, you ALWAYS deserve it."
Moments like this are w
hat keeps me going.
I've always considered myself a considerably affectionate person.
LIE!
This week, I realized I am typically happy no matter what. But when I get down, I get really down. Sometimes for no good reason. Like this Tuesday, for instance. There was nothing really wrong with me. My life was going a-okay. I mean, I hate my Drama teacher, but that's about it. I had gotten 7 hours of sleep in comparison to my usual 5. So there was no reason that I would be pissed at the world, right?
For some reason, I was, horribly so. Since I'm usually so chill and happy, everyone was freaked out by my bad mood and pretty much it was contagious. My friends were no happy campers either. Lunch was rough, lol. But my one bright sunshine came in my day from my BFF Monroe :)
Like I said, I'm pretty affectionate. But that day, everyone kept wanting to hug me and I was not feeling it. He followed me to math and asked me what was wrong. I uneccesarily slammed my bag on the table.
"NOTHING!" I snapped.
He paused. "Do you need a hug?"
I glared. "NO!"
He tried to convince me to smile. No deal, so he left me and my anger to myself.
After math he had been playing football, and might I add, was disgustingly sweaty. Monroe saw I was still not happy and came over to me.
"You need love. Don't fight it, Jordan, this is love."
He wrapped his arms around me, and I spazzed out. "Get off! You're gross!"
Later that night, I felt really bad. He had been trying to be so sweet, (rare for him :) and I had been so mean. So I texted him. "Thanks." His response? "For what?" Smiling, I typed "For being nice to me when I didn't deserve it. He called me immediately.
"Why would you say that?"
"Why would I say what?"
"Why would you say you didn't deserve me being nice to you?
"Because I was mean to you all day and there was no reason. You were sweet and I was mean. Duh."
"Why would you ever think you wouldn't deserve me being nice to you? You're my best friend, therefore, you ALWAYS deserve it."
Moments like this are w
hat keeps me going.
Lovesick...
Don't freak, I'm not in love.
At least, I don't think...
But that's a whole different story.
Anyhow, my blog is titled "Lovesick" because I am literally sick of love.
Not because I've experienced real, true, precious love.
Oh, no.
Because I'm sick of being the best friend to the one who always falls in love. Alwaysalwaysalways.
Never the one that falls in love. Never the one who gets fallen in love with.
Yeah, yeah. I know what you are thinking.
"You are fifteen years old. You don't know what love is."
Lie.
Okay, maybe you don't think I do. But I can guarantee you I have a grasp on the concept, at least.
I'm not necessarily complaining.
Okay, I am.
But regardless, this is why:
-I have, my whole life, been the advocate, helper, assistant, sidekick, matchmaker, etc. for pretty much all of my close friends when they have fallen for someone.
-Heck, some friends that even aren't that close.
-Guys I'm friends with always fall for my friends.
-Gahh!
-It gets frustrating that sometimes I feel it's all about how you look. I mean, sometimes I wonder if I looked a lot different, would it be different?
-If it was based on who you are, would teenage love life be a little different?
Don't get me wrong, I know my prince will come. But I'm getting tired of waiting. I know it can take many more years. I hope it doesn't, but honestly I just want to learn that true love exists, and it can happen to me. Does that make sense? I'm sorry you had to deal with me being frustrated, but I don't get like this often. When I do, it's not pretty. Thanks for letting me vent.
-Jordan
At least, I don't think...
But that's a whole different story.
Anyhow, my blog is titled "Lovesick" because I am literally sick of love.
Not because I've experienced real, true, precious love.
Oh, no.
Because I'm sick of being the best friend to the one who always falls in love. Alwaysalwaysalways.
Never the one that falls in love. Never the one who gets fallen in love with.
Yeah, yeah. I know what you are thinking.
"You are fifteen years old. You don't know what love is."
Lie.
Okay, maybe you don't think I do. But I can guarantee you I have a grasp on the concept, at least.
I'm not necessarily complaining.
Okay, I am.
But regardless, this is why:
-I have, my whole life, been the advocate, helper, assistant, sidekick, matchmaker, etc. for pretty much all of my close friends when they have fallen for someone.
-Heck, some friends that even aren't that close.
-Guys I'm friends with always fall for my friends.
-Gahh!
-It gets frustrating that sometimes I feel it's all about how you look. I mean, sometimes I wonder if I looked a lot different, would it be different?
-If it was based on who you are, would teenage love life be a little different?
Don't get me wrong, I know my prince will come. But I'm getting tired of waiting. I know it can take many more years. I hope it doesn't, but honestly I just want to learn that true love exists, and it can happen to me. Does that make sense? I'm sorry you had to deal with me being frustrated, but I don't get like this often. When I do, it's not pretty. Thanks for letting me vent.
-Jordan
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Summer...condensed, in a more condensed way.
Does that even make sense?
Oh, well.
Haha. So where did my last summer blog leave off? Camp, Amber, hmm...pretty much, I was rarely home. I had the best time ever with all of my amazing friends. They make me who I am :) We went to Grandaddy's beach house in St. Mary's, GA for four days. I brought my friend Gabrielle, and Blake brought his friend Steven. It was a blast! What else? Um, I spent a WHOLE lotta time with my freshman girls, Sarah, Courtney, and Ronni. Overall, that's pretty much it. I think. I'll fill you in more if I think of anything else? But I feel like I had to finish up SOMETHING about my two months out of school, or else there would be a hole in my heart forever, and thaaat would suck. Okay, so I'm being a little over dramatic. But from me, what else do you expect?
Jordan
Oh, well.
Haha. So where did my last summer blog leave off? Camp, Amber, hmm...pretty much, I was rarely home. I had the best time ever with all of my amazing friends. They make me who I am :) We went to Grandaddy's beach house in St. Mary's, GA for four days. I brought my friend Gabrielle, and Blake brought his friend Steven. It was a blast! What else? Um, I spent a WHOLE lotta time with my freshman girls, Sarah, Courtney, and Ronni. Overall, that's pretty much it. I think. I'll fill you in more if I think of anything else? But I feel like I had to finish up SOMETHING about my two months out of school, or else there would be a hole in my heart forever, and thaaat would suck. Okay, so I'm being a little over dramatic. But from me, what else do you expect?
Jordan
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